Loneliness

Each Tuesday, we invite you to pray for our city or yourself in different ways. Each Tuesday we invite you to fast for our city, to do without something you depend on so you can foster a dependency on Jesus. Our hope is to form a greater attachment to Jesus so that we can speak as he spoke when he said in John 5, “I only do what I see my Father doing.” How could Jesus say this? He spent intentional time in prayer and fasting.

Introduction:

Scripture is full of language about feelings. The Biblical writers often are very in touch with who they are and comfortable expressing their emotions to their audience or to God. Many of the Psalms are of David speaking to God about his feelings. He is so relationally secure that he is unafraid to tell God exactly how he feels. This is certainly true of Jesus. Whether He is at the tomb of His close friend Lazarus, looking over Jerusalem weeping for the city, or on the cross crying out in fear that His Father has forsaken Him, Jesus understands and communicates His feelings. In a few of our prayer guides this year, we will explore some of our emotions. The more proficient we become in recognizing what we are feeling and speaking the truth about that to our Father, the more proficient we will be in attaching to Him and others.

Movement 1: Recognizing Loneliness

Read: Genesis 1:3-4, 9-10, 12, 17-18, 21, 25, 31, 2:18

3 Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. 4 And God saw that the light was good.

9 Then God said, “Let the waters beneath the sky flow together into one place, so dry ground may appear.” And that is what happened. 10 God called the dry ground “land” and the waters “seas.” And God saw that it was good.

12 The land produced vegetation—all sorts of seed-bearing plants, and trees with seed-bearing fruit. Their seeds produced plants and trees of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

17 God set these lights in the sky to light the earth, 18 to govern the day and night, and to separate the light from the darkness. And God saw that it was good.

21 So God created great sea creatures and every living thing that scurries and swarms in the water, and every sort of bird—each producing offspring of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

25 God made all sorts of wild animals, livestock, and small animals, each able to produce offspring of the same kind. And God saw that it was good.

31 Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!

2:18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Reflect:

You have probably heard some version of the phrase, “We weren’t made to be alone; we were made for relationship,” countless times. Jesus followers would start with the book of Genesis as the foundation for that statement. Out of the chaos, God begins to create. We continue to read that he views what He is creating as good. A more complete definition of the Hebrew word “tov” here would say that what God is creating is completely fulfilling the divine purpose for which it was intended. Try going back and reading those passages again. We feel a greater depth when we read, “And God saw that the light completely fulfilled the divine purpose for which it was intended.”

We sense a greater emptiness when we read, “Then the Lord God said, “Adam being alone does presently fulfill the divine purpose...” If all of creation was “VERY TOV,” it’s a big deal for God to follow that up with Adam being alone as not tov.

A word study of ezer, which is translated as helper in the passage, will demonstrate that Eve was not created as a subordinate or servant of Adam. She was created to be “with Adam.”1 God is not addressing solitude for Adam, he is addressing Adam’s loneliness. What is “tov,” is a relationship.

Read: Genesis 3:8-10

8 When the cool evening breezes were blowing, the man and his wife heard the Lord God walking about in the garden. So they hid from the Lord God among the trees. 9 Then the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?” 10 He replied, “I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid. I was afraid because I was naked.”

Reflect:

Scholars suggest verse eight indicates that Adam and Eve walked with God every day. They had a rhythm. They had intimacy. After they disobeyed God, they hid from God. Note God’s question, “Where are you?” God is not actually concerned with where they are in the garden, He is all knowing. God is saying, “There is a distance between us.” This is not tov. Adam’s response is, “I was afraid. So I hid.” He’s indicating, “I too recognize there is a distance between us. God was lonely for Adam. Adam was lonely for God.

Consider:

Spend a few moments in silence and ask yourself these questions, “Do I feel lonely? Am I lonely for myself, for God, or for others? Am I hiding from one of these three relationships? How am I hiding? Am I filling my day or time with something else that would keep me distracted from attending to my needs?” These can be difficult questions to answer.

Respond:

Grab a journal or open a new document and reflect on the above question. Write down some responses. Perhaps you can be vulnerable and honest with God and pray something like, “I recognize where I have sinned, and I am afraid of You, so I have been hiding from you.” Perhaps you are lonely for a significant friend in your life. If you can identify why there is a distance, turn this into a prayer. You might be able to say something like, “Jesus, I know that I have... help to forgive/receive forgiveness so that my relationship with this person can be healed.”

Movement 2: Inviting the Father to Attend to Us

Read: Psalm 139

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place,

when I was woven together in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!

How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand—

when I awake, I am still with you.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked!

Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty! They speak of you with evil intent;

your adversaries misuse your name.

Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?

I have nothing but hatred for them; I count them my enemies.

Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Reflect:

It can be difficult to imagine ourselves in the text when we read Scripture. We look at Psalm 139, and we think, “David has such a beautiful way of describing how deeply God knows him. He does not sound lonely for God here because God knows him so well.” You can hear a level of intimacy for which we all long. And still, after all this, “You know everything about me,” and “I can’t go anywhere you are not,” David says, “Search me.” He has such a hunger for intimacy with God.

Read through this passage again. As much as you can, turn it into a prayer as you imagine yourself writing these words to God.

Respond:

Continue in your journal entry or the document you started and try to write a few lines that might reflect David’s Psalm here. What would you add? How would you claim these words for your own day? You don’t have to write something that will last a thousand years. No one will read what you write unless you show them, so feel free to say whatever helps you get it all out.

Movement 3: Following Jesus in Vulnerability

Read: Matthew 26:36-38

36 Then Jesus went with them to the olive grove called Gethsemane, and he said, “Sit here while I go over there to pray.” 37 He took Peter and Zebedee’s two sons, James and John, and he became anguished and distressed. 38 He told them, “My soul is crushed with grief to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Reflect:

Jesus chose to invite people into the hard moment. He chose to seek relationship and help in a moment where He was feeling deep grief. He did not ignore His needs. Jesus lived a life of vulnerability. We need this depth of relationship in our own lives as well. As followers of Jesus, we need to follow Jesus in communicating our loneliness and need for others to be with us. Who are your “Peter, James, and John,” that you can call to go deeper into the garden with you?

Respond:

If you do not have two to three to five other close friends that make up a safe environment where you can be yourself, take some time now to ask Jesus to bring those people into your life. You may not know their names yet. Ask him to begin to highlight people with whom you can develop that level of intimacy where you can be fully known. If you know who these people might be, but have not fostered that level of intimacy, consider praying for boldness today to initiate a conversation about how those relationships can take on a greater intentionality. If you know these people and have developed a safe environment where you can say without fear, “My soul is crushed with grief, stay with me,” send them a note of encouragement and gratitude today. Ask God to be with you in these steps and to give you boldness in your obedience to Him.

*If you need more help developing an emotionally healthy community of three to five people, check out https://heseddiscipleshipnetwork.com/

*This prayer guide is adapted from “The Voice of the
Heart Bible Study” by Jeff Shulte and Phil Herndon (2019, Tin Man Ministries). To explore the emotion of loneliness further, this is a great resource, along with The Voice of the Heart by Chip Dodd.