Disciple-making in Community
Episode Summary
In this episode, Brian and BrianJames McMahon talk about the complexities of pain, suffering, and community within the context of disciple-making. We discuss the need to reimagine our relationship with pain, the importance of attachment in community, and the challenges posed by individualism. We emphasize the significance of practicing confession and lament as tools for building trust and fostering healthy relationships. Ultimately, we advocate for a deeper understanding of communal formation and the practical steps necessary to cultivate meaningful connections.
Key Themes & Takeaways
1. Following Jesus together, not just beside each other
We often think we’re following Jesus in community, but really we’re just following Jesus individually in shared space.
True formation happens when we attach to one another, not just coexist.
2. Why We Resist Community Formation
We’re wired for connection and for self-preservation. And those instincts often conflict.
Fear of exposure, past wounds, and shame lead us to keep others at a safe distance.
Western individualism reinforces isolation; we prize independence even in faith.
We prefer theology, mission, or activity over the vulnerability of real relationship.
3. The Window of Distress Tolerance
Every person has a “window” for how much discomfort they can handle before shutting down.
Growth happens within that window—enough discomfort to stretch us, not so much we retreat.
Community formation requires learning to stay present in distress and repair ruptures rather than avoid them.
4. Slow Communities: Practicing Confession and Lament
At Church WellCo, Brian cultivates “slow communities” for pastors and leaders to practice these skills.
Confession: honesty that heals (“Confess your sins to one another and pray… that you may be healed” – James 5).
Lament: naming what should have been but wasn’t or what was but never should have been.
Together, these practices expand our capacity to hold one another’s burdens and see God in the darkness.
5. Learning to See in the Dark
Psalm 139 reminds us: “Even the darkness is not dark to You.”
God doesn’t just turn darkness into light. He sees in the dark.
When we learn to “see in the dark” with others, we become people who carry hope, not just proclaim it.
Trust built in pain is deeper than trust built in ease: “I can laugh with many, but I can only cry with a few.”
Final Thoughts
Multiplication without depth creates fragile disciples. True gospel flourishing depends on whole people and healed communities. On families that can lament, confess, and repair together. As we slow down to practice these rhythms, we create communities that reflect the God who sees in the dark and calls us to love one another deeply.
